This is a basic three stage approach to counseling. This method is used those who come to you with a problem or simply wants to talk about something. It's for "normal neurotics like you and me", not for dealing with people with serious psychiatric conditions.
It is not a way to give advice (a trap for any counseling approach). If you stick to this approach you will be safe and likely be doing a lot of good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening involves knowing the meaning of the text as well as the emotions associated with it.
Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.
Don't make statements that is a statement that defines the issue or other person's feelings; ask instead. Do not say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." Instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The method you think of it is . . . ". At this point, it could suffice to simply say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
This stage ends when the person begins to talk about the issues behind the issue. You will know you have achieved success when you receive agreement to your suggestions of the root of the problem and the feelings behind it.
Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
When the person speaking to you is comfortable, they will move on to more in-depth discussions. In this moment, you are able to start asking exploratory questions. Inquiring if they've had this experience before. what they've tried to do in similar situations, whether or not it worked and if there are any other thoughts and feelings that are happening for them. If you are able to clearly observe something make observations of what you are seeing. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. Even here it is probably better to ask a question rather than make statements.
The most important thing at Idaho Youth Ranch this point is staying in touch with their emotions at the depth they are experiencing them.
If you're unable to handle this, inform them and don't make it appear like it. It could be something like, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They will appreciate this more than acting like it (and they'll be able to tell whether you're just playing).
This stage ends when the problem is looked at differently and a different perspective is gained.
Stage Three: Trying Different Things
When they start seeing things differently they may begin to think about things differently, or at least make plans to.
When someone arrives at you with a problem is to jump to this stage right away. This is a mistake. What is needed is the opportunity to look into what's happening and then to view it in a new way.
At this point, you may suggest what worked for you.
Do not get caught up in playing "Yes But . . . ".
If they give reasons the reason why your suggestions don't work, don't be a defender. Instead, ask them what they tried, the reason it failed, and what they can do differently this time.
It is possible to arrange that they check with you regularly so that they monitor how they are going with their new approach to performing things.
This stage ends when they attempt to demonstrate the their new behaviours with you or when they have a plan of the new behavior they would like to test with other people.
This is mostly about listening.
The other person always knows more about their own circumstances than you do.
Never offer advice about what they should do. In the third stage you may wish to say your experiences when you've had to deal the same issue.
With a bit of practice, you can get quite good very quickly in this area. You may well become the person people turn to for advice'. As long as you do follow this method and do not offer any advice, you will do lots of good and aid numerous people.